BLOG UNDER CONSTRUCTION
As a psychiatrist and eating disorder expert, I know that while planning a wedding is an exciting
time, it can also be difficult to manage expectations. Expectations can be from yourself and from the people around you, including friends, family, and community. Oftentimes, brides face a high degree of pressure to have the “perfect body” for their wedding day, at any cost. This can be daunting for anyone, let alone if you have had struggles with your body image or disordered eating.
Weddings symbolize the union and connection that a couple share and their desire to live their lives together. The details of planning this event, however, can put undue pressure on you as you think about all that needs to be done. You can lose focus on the future life that you are building in that process. As you think about the kind of bride you want to be, it is important to center your well being at the heart of your decision making. Well being encompasses your mental and physical health and has no one definition.
When we keep this in mind, we can then think more clearly about ourselves and our bodies. Often, the pressure to have things “just right” can feel uncontrollable and unmanageable. So, we may turn to things that we feel a greater sense of control over. This might include our body image, size, and shape. While we might feel some short term resolution of our stress about the wedding by focusing on diet and exercise, it’s important to know when this may go too far.
Most people do not set out to have an eating disorder or disordered eating. But, in the desire to have a feeling of control or to fit into that “perfect” wedding attire, we may lose sight of what we value about our health. Disordered eating or disordered thoughts about our body are so labeled disordered because it is outside of the bounds of what might be considered normal for ourselves and the context of our lives. It can take over our thoughts and become our focus, excluding most other things. It can be present when we don’t want it to be. It can cause us feelings of distress and anxiety.
We all have values that we resonate with, and thinking about our values helps us to focus on what truly matters. There can be so much pressure to have your wedding be something that satisfies everyone around you. This can leave you feeling left out of what is supposed to be an important day. When we instead focus on what we value, we feel better able to shed the things that do not help us. Values could include things like the connection that you feel to your future spouse, your health, and your connection to yourself. As you assess your approach to diet, exercise, shape, and weight, it’s important to consider your values and whether or not your behaviors align with those values. If they do, great! If they don’t, it’s an opportunity to shift to something that feels like a better fit.
Also, remember that your body is the only one you get for your entire life. While the wedding date is a significant one, the ways that your fuel and care for your body and body image is lifelong commitment. As you look to the future, I encourage you to be thoughtful about your relationship with yourself, how you talk to yourself about your body, and how your nourish yourself for the years to come.