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Let’s face it, getting married is both the most exciting and the most stressful time imaginable. When I was planning my wedding, my emotions were all over the place. One day I was thrilled about the upcoming festivities—and of course the honeymoon—and the next, I was on the verge of tears, wondering why we hadn’t just gone to the courthouse and kept our sanity.
Amid the chaos, it’s hard to focus on your relationship, even though ironically, that’s what it’s all about—your love and commitment to one another.
It's vital to remember that the journey to your wedding day is also an opportunity to strengthen the bond with your partner and develop habits that will contribute to a healthy marriage in the long run.
The falling-in-love or limerent stage, can feel like some serious rom-com bliss, but all relationships eventually transition to a more stable commitment phase. This is when the real work begins.
Couples who are proactive about their relationships have the opportunity to deepen their connection and develop something far more fulfilling than those initial fireworks. The key lies in cultivating habits that foster genuine emotional intimacy.
Don’t worry, I know the last thing you need right now is another task on your to-do list! Yet, with minimal effort and a little intentionality, you can leverage this time to deepen your connection with your partner and reduce your stress as you lean on each other. By focusing on four key pillars of connection now, you can lay the foundation for a successful marriage.
Four Pillars of Connection:
- Navigating Difficult Conversations
Open, honest communication is the lifeblood of any thriving relationship. Successful couples are not those who avoid conflict, but those who embrace it as a means to grow together. Implementing regular, heart-to-heart conversations allows both partners to voice their concerns and address issues before they escalate. By cherishing these open dialogues, and sharing emotions, couples create a safe space for mutual understanding and growth.
- Being Fully Engaged
Successful couples understand that being fully present for their partner goes beyond physical proximity. It's about being emotionally available, showing genuine interest, and tuning into your partner's inner world. This level of engagement not only makes your partner feel valued but also leads to a deeper understanding of their needs and aspirations. Make sure you put those phones away and focus on each other!
- Keeping the Flame of Affection Alive
Physical affection is a powerful means of building connection. It brings couples closer, regulates stress, and fosters a sense of safety. Successful couples prioritize affection in their relationship, recognizing its role in maintaining a deep sense of closeness and emotional security.
- Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude
Expressing gratitude towards your partner is not just a kind gesture, but a powerful habit that enhances relationship satisfaction. It counters our brain's natural tendency to focus on negativity, fostering a more positive mindset. Gratitude also satisfies one of our basic needs in a relationship— to feel seen, valued, and appreciated. Successful couples make it a habit to express their gratitude regularly, acknowledging its pivotal role in nurturing a happy, healthy relationship.
Cultivating these habits of connection is not an overnight task. It takes time, patience, and conscious effort from both partners. Yet, the reward—a deep, meaningful, and enduring relationship—is worth every bit of effort. As a seasoned couples therapist, I've had the privilege of witnessing a myriad of relationships; some flourish beautifully, while others falter and struggle. The one thing that successful couples consistently practice is nurturing these four key habits, laying the foundation for a relationship that not only withstands the test of time but also thrives amidst the chaos. Your beautiful wedding is just the beginning and the best is yet to come!
Colette Jane Fehr, LMFT, LMHC, NCC is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach, author, and speaker. She is the co-host of a podcast for women called Insights from the Couch: Mental Health at Midlife, and her new book on relationship communication, specifically for women, is under contract with Penguin Random House and will be out next year.
To learn your conflict style and how to create healthier communication habits that set your marriage up for success take the free quiz at www.colettejanefehr.com, or message her directly to inquire about pre-marital relationship coaching sessions.